I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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