this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
