His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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