You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just google imaged poop.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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