forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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