Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
