If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize
