If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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