That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
