I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
