Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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