My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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