I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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