hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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