Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
