she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
