My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize