She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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