I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
