And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
