just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
