you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
