rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
