Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
