Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
high people should be assigned attendants
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize