Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
