Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
