I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
