thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
