Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
