Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
