His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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