shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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