i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
