I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
