she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
