Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize