Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
