I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
me + whiskey = a bad person
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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