i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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