I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
