My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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