There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
