so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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