I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
