the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
