well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
