Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize