Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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