I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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