So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
and she was petting her beer can
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
