wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
