I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
