he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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