I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
