Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Operation Purity has been aborted
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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