I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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