i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
