the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
