I just cut my nipple shaving
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
