Well douche your snatch and let's go!
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
