Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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