Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
