Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
