Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
