Non-Jews are for practice
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
