Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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